BLOG OF MAYANK JAIN
Best Books I Read in 2022 & Getting Better at Reading
My biggest reading accomplishment this year was an improved relationship with books. Here’s how:
Active reading instead of passive consumption. I tried to make the book work for me instead of the other way around. I got inspiration from this quote on Farnam Street:
Learnt the art of letting a book go unfinished. It would bother me if I didn’t complete a book even if it wasn’t enjoyable. But now I feel much more at ease with that. For instance, I have read 30% of Fairy Tale by Stephen King. But I’ve stopped enjoying the style of narration so I am quitting it.
Letting go of trying to understand every single word/sentence. This is a problem I found especially in sci-fi. The plot would be amazing, and the details immaculate. But the writing style can be dense and full of jargon. They can be difficult reads. So I decided to stop spending too much time worrying about understanding every single detail, and focus on the larger picture instead. Cases in point: Dune series and Brave New World.
Reading what I like and not what I am supposed to like. For example, there was Rumors of Spring - a girlhood memoir by the author who grew up in Kashmir. I wanted to like the book. I wanted to understand what it was like growing up in such a conflicted part of our country. But I just couldn't get into the groove of it.
And now the books I liked the best this year:
1. Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art - James Nestor
Given that breathing is the most fundamental aspect of life, its effects on us shouldn't be surprising. But I was constantly amazed. It's an insightful book which takes a lot of references from our ancient Indian texts and practices (I am looking at you, Pranayam).
2. The Three-Body Problem - Cixin Liu
Originally written in Chinese, the English translation seems a little jagged, especially whenever there is a conversation. Or maybe it's just the cultural difference that caused it. It was after all the first Chinese book I've ever read. Even then, it managed to provoke some vocal outbursts of 'Wow' in me. Immense.
3. The Poppy War - R.F. Kuang
It was a heady combination of fresh air and comfortable familiarity. If you like Harry Potter-style coming-of-age fantasy, you'll love this. A word of caution, the second book in the series was a little underwhelming. I would still give it a read in spite of that. It also gave me my new favourite exclamation - Tiger’s Tits!
4. Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking - Susan Cain
The most important book I read this year. It helped me understand the fundamental difference between the two broad personality types we divide ourselves into - introverts and extroverts. At times, I struggle with too many people or too much stimulation. This book helped me to be at peace with that. Moreover, I learnt some tools to navigate such situations.
Notable mentions:
Ted Chiang's two anthologies were enjoyable.
I also discovered Brandon Sanderson after his incredible Kickstarter campaign which raised more than $41 million for his upcoming books. I enjoyed the new magical world in them.
Seth Rogen's Yearbook was funny. And of course, Atomic Habits is damn good.
I hope you do get around to reading some of these. If you like these recommendations, check out the rest of my reading list here.
Lists from previous years: Best of 2021, 2020, 2019, 2018, 2017, and 2016
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Living Carelessly In Goa - The Story of Aai
It rained today in Bengaluru. So I made Maggi and had a cup of coffee. The perfect moment to reminisce about good times. And the 2 years I spent in Goa was as good a time as any. I’ve been writing stories from my stay there and this is the first one I want to share with you all.
AAI
In our Goa house, there was a back exit through the kitchen. We kept it open while sleeping. It was because we didn’t want to be shaken awake by violent knockings on our bedroom window in the morning. Who would do that? Aai.
Aai (pronounced “aaee”) is a cute, loving Goan lady who used to take care of our house in Goa. Her name was Savitri though nobody ever called her that. She was Aai for people of all ages and genders.
It was hard to tell her age. Years of hard labour in the fields under the strong Goan sun had wrinkled her face. She could be anywhere from 45 to 60. She had a frail figure and walked with a slight stoop.
Every morning she came to wash the utensils. We were not early risers and would still be sleeping when she arrived. The doorbell broke and we never got it fixed. So she would knock on our bedroom window vigorously. Knock is a euphemism for what she did. It was an assault. THAK! THAK! THAK! THAK! THAK!
Waking up violently from deep sleep is never pleasant. It felt like my soul left the body briefly to cower in the corner. It didn’t want to be a part of whatever it was that demanded my urgent attention. So we started leaving the kitchen exit door open for her to enter without waking us up. It was better to have a small chance of getting robbed than having your soul depart from you every day.
I lived with my girlfriend (and now wife), Amita at the time. She didn’t speak Konkani and Aai didn’t know Hindi. But I would hear them having a perfect conversation. There were exclamations, laughter and sounds of deep discussions. Nobody knows how.
We could see Aai’s house from our garden. It was a traditional Goan mud house with a thatched roof. She lived there with her sons and daughter. Her daughter Sharmila would come to cook for us. And sometimes bring her 7-year-old son who was fun to hang out with.
Sidenote 1: Thank God we get a second set of teeth as we get older. Because the first set isn’t meant to last given our eating habits as kids. This little boy had more red and black on his teeth than white.
Aai was a workaholic. Apart from our house, she worked at our neighbour’s too. She would come in early at 6. Then after finishing work at both the houses, she headed out to work in the fields. Depending upon the season, it would be either rice or mango fields.
I never saw her eat. Her fuel of choice was a cup of black tea with a borderline unhealthy amount of sugar added. That and tobacco which she preferred chewing.
Sidenote 2: She brought us the most delicious mangoes from the fields. No exaggeration. I never had better mangoes before or after. And I’ve had plenty. Ask my mom. Or my wife who is still angry about the time I ate the last mango in the house which was apparently hers. (I showed her the draft of this story - she questioned the word “apparently”. In her mind, it’s“definitely.”)
Aai was a badass. Our neighbours’ dogs were ferocious. They were guard dogs and wouldn’t let anyone near the street. The only person they were afraid of was Aai. They considered her the Alpha. Even the most aggressive among them - Rover, a German Shepherd, conceded before her.
Aai enjoyed pyromancy. Instead of letting me dispose the garbage bags in the designated area, she preferred burning it all.
Aai in our garden doing her thing
Aai had direct contact with the Gods. We visited her house once for a religious function. I asked someone what that deity is. They said it is the Goddess that possesses Aai during the festival. It was said casually as if it’s a normal thing to happen.
It’s the one on the left
Aai was loving.
One time Sharmila burned her hand in her kitchen. So she couldn’t come to cook for us. Coincidentally, Amita was away in Dehradun. So I had to do my own cooking.
Now, remember that this was Goa in 2017/18. There was no Swiggy or Zomato to order from. There was one Pizza shop that delivered to our place. There used to be two but then our neighbour’s dog bit one of the delivery guys. There was an attempt to bite the other guy too, but he escaped. One other restaurant delivered but he would drop the food a kilometre away. He would call and I had to go and pick it up. In short, it was tedious to order in. So I usually ate out or chose takeaway for dinner. And I made the same stuff for lunch every day - Dal and Chawal.
Aai would notice the lack of dirty cooking utensils in the morning. So she felt that either I am not eating enough or consuming a lot of outside junk. Couple it with the fact that she would see lots of empty beer bottles in the morning. She figured that I was not in a good way.
A few days later, I found Sharmila at the door. Her hand was still healing and she was in no condition to cook. Aai had commanded her to go and check on me. ‘Baba is not eating,’ Aai had told her. I felt my soul shed a happy tear. All that cowering in the corner was worth this wonderful person. I assured her that I am OK, even if I wasn’t. And that she should come back only when she is completely healed.
Aai called me Baba. ‘Good morning Baba’, and ‘Good morning Aai’ were the extent of our conversation. But it was enough. During those days while Amita was away, I went through a bout of depression. It was fueled by lots of alcohol, cigarettes, and loneliness. Reading Charles Bukowski didn’t help either. Having Aai around to share a smile and a few words were like a balm. On many days, these were the only words I spoke and hers was the only face I saw.
She always seemed happy. Her red-stained teeth betrayed her tobacco habit but took nothing away from her infectious smile.
Aai made our life better.
Thanks for reading. Did you enjoy this? Do you think I should write more Goa stories? Let me know. I would love to hear your thoughts.
How To Be Bored
Epic boredom triggered most of my attempts to finish this article. Today, it happened when I threw away my phone in disgust after mindless Instagram scrolling.
Earlier, I read three books on my kindle for five minutes each. Then switched to a paperback, which I gave up after 10 minutes.
I wasn’t having fun. Skipping from one thing to another is not enjoyable. So why was I doing it?
Simple answer - I was bored.
Complicated answer -
I wanted to change the current moment to a more desirable state
The desirable state itself is an abstract that I was not sure about
It means it is stemming from the discomfort of the present. And we have conflicting ideas about how to change that situation.
If you’re like me, you want to be productive yet also to have fun. Learn a language and also watch a movie. You want adventure but also peace and quiet. A little contentment won’t hurt either.
Ultimately, it comes down to a single thing summed up perfectly in this quote by Blaise Pascal:
“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”
How do we solve this?
Slow everything down
The Idea
Take the mundane everyday activities - brushing teeth, folding laundry, washing hands, etc. Instead of rushing through them to get them over with, slow down. Do them for their own sake. Remind yourself that life is every second that passes. It’s not happening in future, it is in every moment.
How It Works
The default modus operandi during such actions is auto-pilot. Our muscle memory gets the job done. So the mind wanders. Uncontrolled, it takes us to memories or hypotheticals - good or bad. What if we turn off the auto-pilot for a bit?
The cheap dopamine that we get from our screens has hampered the capacity of our minds to find creativity and joy in the ordinary. If finding joy seems ambitious, simply being able to get through a day without a constant need for excitement is a big win.
My Experience
The other day, I was rushing down the stairs. Halfway through, I had this realisation that I didn’t need to be anywhere. So I slowed down and brought my focus to the present. It was like coming out after living inside my own head for a long time. It sounds silly, but it was liberating.
“Do the dishes to do the dishes” - Thich Nhat Hanh
Staring into the distance time
The Idea
Give yourself an unbound slot of time to just sit and stare into the distance.
How It Works
If you’ve been practising slowing down the mundane, then now is the chance to give free reigns to your mind. Follow where it goes. Then gently manoeuver it in the direction you want - towards things that you value.
Great things happen when you let your mind wander in a controlled fashion. You go deeper, into the first principles of things. It gives you a chance to focus on the important things in life - whatever that may be for you in that moment.
The best advice you’ll follow is when it comes from within. And this time gives you some empty headspace to listen to that voice.
My Experience
I use this technique to come up with new articles. I sit in silence, look into the distance and observe my life at that time. That time could be that month, or week, or that particular day. And new ideas emerge from that. Sometimes, it is just about that instant; this post came from analysing the discomfort of the moment.
Staring into the distance helps me improve the relationship of my mind and self. It gives me the feeling of more control over my own mind rather than the other way around.
Day of meditation
The Idea
By meditation, I don’t mean sitting on a cushion, closing your eyes and focusing on your breath. Although if you can do that, it's great. I mean making the whole day as an exercise in meditation. Look beyond the obvious in things.
How It Works
Take an example of the vegetable you are preparing for a meal. Unless it’s from your kitchen garden, its journey from a seed to your kitchen has been extraordinary. It was nourished by a big ball of fire millions of kilometres away. It was germinated by a tiny bee. And it took an advanced human-built infrastructure to get it to you unharmed.
Take a minute to appreciate this minor miracle. You might find more gratitude for the simple things in life.
My Experience
You can try this technique right now. Slow down and imagine the writer penning down these words. At which point must I have stopped to brood. Or which words were perceptibly difficult to write down. Look beyond the screen and into the mind of the author.
I do this with music. While listening to a song, I would try to decipher the different beats. And then imagine in what sequence the composer must have arranged it.
Two More Techniques
Find Your Centre
Find one thing that centres you. Breathing deeply, music, gratitude - whatever it may be. For me, it’s reading a few Zenhabits articles. It always calms me down.
Romanticise The Present Moment
Let’s say you are peeling an orange in the kitchen. Imagine reading your biography and that moment described by a talented writer.
"... was standing there in the kitchen after a day of work. He stood there peeling an orange skin listening to music. This was a ritual to him. The act of peeling was like taking off a layer of burden after returning home...."
I love this technique. It attaches romance to every moment of my existence. Living life becomes a performance - in a good way. You become the star of the show. Indulge in the moment, and I daresay, you’ll feel larger than life itself.
More about this technique in Romantic’s Guide to Finding Focus.
How to do weekends
On Recovery And Relaxation
Without the meaning found in the structure of weekdays, a weekend becomes difficult for me. On a Saturday afternoon, unrest of not knowing what to do starts brewing.
A weekend
Free time on the weekend -> potential for boredom -> mind at unease.
And since a weekend relaxation powers our battery for the week ahead, it becomes critical to recovering well.
We recover the best when we stay in the present moment - unattached from past regrets or future worries. The central idea of the aforementioned techniques is to help you do that. I hope they come in handy.
I would love to hear what you think about this.
Be bored better. Have a great weekend.
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Building a Meditation Habit - Atomic Habits Style
For the last two weeks, I have tried building a meditation habit. The previous attempt didn’t sustain for long. Turns out that sitting quietly for 15 minutes every day with your eyes closed and not thinking of things is incredibly difficult. So this time I applied James Clear’s methods from his book Atomic Habits and tried to build a system around it.
“If you’re having trouble changing your habits, the problem isn’t you. The problem is your system. You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”
Why do I care about meditation? For the simple reason that I feel better after. In my work as a poker player, I need to make a lot of quick decisions repeatedly for hours. And whenever I played after meditating, I felt like I had just a wee bit more time for every decision. There’s also plenty of science behind its benefits. Our brain physically changes as we meditate, especially in the parts involved in monitoring our focus and self-control.
Now, on to the methods. I am going to use a lot of examples of exercise as a habit because that’s something I’ve become good at. Direct quotes from the book in Italics
CHANGING THE IDENTITY
The ultimate form of intrinsic motivation is when a habit becomes part of your identity.
When I tried to quit smoking, I read Alan Carr’s Easy Way to Stop Smoking. One of its two key points was to believe you are a Non-Smoker. Not that you have quit, or you are someone who smokes sometimes. But you are a non-smoker.
It’s like being a Vegan. Either you are, or you are not.
Similarly, if you want to create a new habit, you have to become that person. For me, if I am trying to build a meditation habit, I have to start thinking that this is what I do - I meditate daily. There is no I have to or I should. It’s natural.
The word ‘Identity’ itself comes from two Latin words Essentias meaning being and Identidem meaning repeatedly. So our identity is nothing but our repeated beingness.
THE 1ST LAW: MAKE IT OBVIOUS
The Techniques:
The Implementation Intention or The Trigger - It is a plan that we make beforehand about when and where to carry out the activity. The format is:
I will [BEHAVIOR] at [TIME] in [LOCATION]
Habit Stacking - Have you ever noticed yourself going on a shopping spree? That tendency of one purchase leading to another is called The Diderot Effect. Habit Stacking capitalizes this tendency by using an existing habit as a trigger for the desired habit:
After [CURRENT HABIT], I will [NEW HABIT].
Environment > Motivation - Redesigning our environment does much better to change our behavior than Motivation (which is an exhaustible resource). Two key points in this:
Use visual cues as catalysts for the new behavior
Try a new place where you haven’t tried the habit before.
My Adaptation:
In the last year, my exercise habit was triggered by setting the dishwasher. It was a specific and actionable trigger. For meditation, my trigger would be finishing lunch. Post-lunch is often the period when I am most lethargic. And feeling the lowest during the day. Meditation can hopefully help solve both problems.
Adding Meditation just after Lunch
For the environment, I am going to use my balcony which already has a Buddha painting hanging there. The combination of a new place plus the visual cue should do its job.
My Trigger + Habit Stacking:
‘After I finish lunch, I will meditate on the balcony for 15 minutes.’
THE 2ND LAW: MAKE IT ATTRACTIVE
The Techniques:
Temptation Bundling - Using a habit that we are tempted to do as a reward for an activity we should do. The anticipation of our WANT habit drives the NEED habit. For example, I browse Twitter in breaks between sets during my workout. The Formula:
After [HABIT I NEED], I will [HABIT I WANT]
The Effect of People - I took up Intermittent Fasting because I had a friend who did it successfully. That same friend quit smoking after I did. The people in our lives affect our habits immensely.
One of the most effective things you can do to build better habits is to join a culture where your desired behavior is the normal behavior. The shared identity begins to reinforce your personal identity.
Motivation Ritual - It’s like putting on music before a big game/an exam/a workout (all of which I do). Even if you are not motivated beforehand, the ritual itself drives the motivation up.
My Adaptation:
Combining Temptation Bundling with Habit Stacking:
After Lunch, I will meditate for 15 minutes on the balcony
After Meditation, I will make a cup of tea and have Monaco
As for having people around, I don’t yet have a meditation partner per se. So if you would like to share some insights, I’d love to hear. Meanwhile, I am also going to hang around on Reddit Meditation subs.
THE 3RD LAW: MAKE IT EASY
The Techniques:
Walk slow, not backward - Not being able to do a complete workout every day is fine as long as we do at least a little bit - say 5 push-ups. As long as we put in a rep, however small, it works. Lost days hurt more than successful days help. So maintaining a streak is critical.
One of the most common questions I hear is, “How long does it take to build a new habit?” But what people really should be asking is, “How many does it take to form a new habit?” That is, how many repetitions are required to make a habit automatic?
Habits form based on frequency, not time.
The law of least effort - Prime your environment for future use. Like keeping your morning workout clothes out the night before. Two more ideas:
2-minute rule - Downscale your habits until they can be done in two minutes or less.
A commitment device - Like buying a better mattress for sleeping. Or signing-up for an automatic savings plan.
My Adaptation
I am not looking to meditate 30 minutes every day. I’ll start small for 15 minutes. Even 5 minutes will work.
Usually, after lunch, I lie down for a bit. So I can squeeze in a quick meditation then. Either I’ll be gone into a siesta or I’ll be able to meditate - both reasonable outcomes.
As for priming environment, I don’t need it right now. But if the habit doesn’t work, I will buy a meditation cushion, or a candle or a meditation bowl.
THE 4TH LAW: MAKE IT SATISFYING
The Techniques
Instant Gratification - Our brain is wired to be biased towards immediate reward than by the possibility of even a bigger reward in the future. Hence we need to feel immediately successful for a habit to stick - even if it’s in a small way.
The key is to select a reward that reinforces your identity rather than conflicts with it. So don’t reward yourself with ice cream after a workout. Instead, allocate money for a weekly massage. It reinforces the identity as someone who takes care of their own body.
Habit Tracking - What doesn’t get tracked, doesn’t get done. The habit stacking + habit tracking formula is:
After [CURRENT HABIT], I will [TRACK MY HABIT].
My Adaptations:
My cup of tea + Monaco biscuits serves as Instant Gratification. If it doesn’t work, I will consider creating a Spa fund or Travel Fund.
I use Insight Timer which automatically tracks my habit
Parting Notes
“Men desire novelty to such an extent that those who are doing well wish for a change as much as those who are doing badly.”
I have to remind myself to fall in love with the boredom of doing the same thing over and over again. To look for novelty in repetition. It is an opportunity to delve deeper inside our own minds. It can even be therapeutic - like a runner, putting one step after the other in endless laps.
Hope this was useful to you. If you like this article and want to hear more from me, you can leave your email address below. I’ll let you know whenever I write something new.
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First Of The Day
When I woke up this morning, I had no intention of sending you this article. The idea had not even occurred to me. What happened was that after waking up, I made myself a cup of coffee and started journaling. Nothing ground-breaking right? Except that it is. Allow me to explain.
For the last couple of years, my days have all begun in a similar fashion. After freshening up, I open my balcony door, unroll a yoga mat, and exercise. It is a habit that I've cultivated with a lot of effort and I've seen results (like losing 10kgs or running my best ever 5k which happened yesterday!). Skipping it and doing something else today is a big deal for me. Because that means that I am risking breaking a great habit. Why am I doing this?
It's because of Change in Focus.
Earlier, the focus area of my life was getting fitter and healthier. So I would plan my day around it. That would mean exercise in the morning, long evening walks, and planning meals for the day in advance. I would do my work in the time gaps available instead of the other way around.
I’ve become good at this habit. I genuinely love the process of working out. It has become my unconscious competence*. But now I want to shift my focus towards something else, hence the change.
*Sidenote: Four levels of competence are: Unconscious incompetence, conscious incompetence, conscious competence, and unconscious competence. When we learn a new skill, these are stages we cross until it becomes a natural part of us.
After 5+ years of playing poker professionally, I am now exploring new areas - writing being one of them. For that, I need a clear block of uninterrupted time to do deep work. So today when I woke up, that was my number one priority. Hence the early morning journaling.
I call this First of the Day - Do the most important thing in your life first thing in the morning. And by most important, I mean the singular area of focus in your life. It is by no means a new concept. But getting to discover it yourself sure is a revelation.
Examples of focus areas and how you can use this:
Learning - Start your day with a non-fiction book. Take out 30 minutes for it.
Mental Health/Mindset - Start with art. Meditate. Journal.
Relationships - Take an early morning walk with your person. Discuss your dreams - both literal and figurative. Cook breakfast together.
Exercise - Do it first thing, before checking your phone. Do it before breakfast (I've been working out on empty stomach for years now. It's tough at first, but you get used to it. Have a banana or an apple if you want).
Health: Plan your meals for the day. Cut all the veggies and fruits beforehand. Take action when you are fresh so that you don't give in to temptations when your willpower (and glucose) is low later in the day.
We are not doing this just to get it over with. It is so that our well-rested brain can work to make the subliminal connections that might otherwise be missed when we are exhausted.
By the end of the day when we are tired, it requires more bending of will to do the same thing. Take this article for example. I wrote the first draft in one smooth stretch of time in the morning. But then it took me a tremendous amount of effort to edit and make a finished product later in the day.
Recognizing our peak performance periods and slotting the most important work in that time is a crucial skill. And I've found that doing this just for 2 weeks can be enough to move it from conscious incompetence to conscious competence.
Let me know if it works for you. And if you want to hear more from me, leave your email address below so that I can let you know whenever I write something new.
5 Years A Poker Player - Changes, Lessons and Future
It has been more than five years since I started playing poker for a living. This post is a contemplation on how life as a professional poker player has been. That means a reflection on my reasons for choosing this path, lessons learned, and plans ahead.
To give you context, this is my current situation: I got married 2.5 years ago, just turned 33 and after spending the first two years of my career in Goa, I now live in a peaceful corner of a metro. I almost exclusively play NLHE cash games (<=NL50k INR) with a handful of tournaments thrown in.
With that out of the way, let’s start with the biggest changes in why I play poker.
Reasons for Poker - Then vs Now
The change in desires that drive you towards your purpose (along with changes in the purpose itself) is a natural progression of life.
1. Competition
The drama and the emotions associated with sports enthral me. I had wanted to take up sports as a career option but an unfortunate injury at 13 meant I couldn’t. But the allure of a competitive sports career never left me. So when I discovered poker after a few regular jobs and running my own startup, it posed itself as a very attractive career choice.
Now, things are different. Besting others in a competition doesn’t give me the same thrill. My definition of a good life no longer includes locking horns with others on a daily basis. Instead, now when I need to compete, I look inwards and towards my past self.
2. Freedom of Time & Schedule
It is the most beautiful thing about poker and has remained unchanged. Whenever I find myself disillusioned from the game, I remind myself of this incredible perk. The luxury of an afternoon nap without any obligations is unparalleled. And this freedom has only grown over the years. As I became better, I played higher stakes which means that I don’t need to grind as much as I needed to for the same amount of money. This brings me to the next point.
3. Money
The ceiling for the money you can make in poker when compared with most regular jobs is much higher. With your rise in stakes, the potential to earn more increases. The main change for me here is that this need is not as urgent. I still like to make money of course, but I don’t mind investing time in other areas to see what might work.
4. Balance
I wanted the aforementioned freedom to be able to write more. That hasn't happened. So if I have any regrets, this would be it. I underestimated the time and effort it requires to become really good at such a competitive game. This holds true for any skill. If you want to be great, balance goes out the window. Your craft becomes all-consuming. There is no other way. If there is, it's much more tedious. And now I want to get back that balance.
Major changes in reasons why I play poker
THE 5 BIGGEST LESSONS
Poker might seem like a game of cards, but it is a game you play versus yourself. Your opponents are just different versions that you've been or will be at different times. The challenge is to become the best version possible. And in this quest, these are the most important lessons I’ve learned.
1. Grind/Discipline - You have to grind, you have to put in the hours. There is no way around it. A few times, I tried to get by with a lighter work schedule but it is a risky choice. Sure, it might work sometimes, but then you leave a lot more to luck. Whereas, a good work ethic almost guarantees success.
2. Movement is crucial - Constant learning is essential. And I don't mean just in terms of new strategies although that won't hurt. I mean even in terms of learning better mindset management techniques. Staying still means getting left behind.
3. Game of love - Nick Kyrgios is one of the most talented tennis players active currently. But his current ranking is only 115 when he has the potential of a top 10 player. It's probably down to the fact that he calls Tennis his "part-time job" - not exactly a passion of his. You can see how this can translate to Poker as well. No love for the game = no success.
4. Mindset is everything - In the long run, a more stable but worse player wins vs a better but mercurial player. A month of good work can be ruined by a poor mindset-infused session. The amount of stuff that can be written about this can fill multiple books (like this, this, and this), so I’ll leave it here.
Side note: I’ve started an Instagram page that talks about some of this, it’s called Peace of Poker and it looks like this:
5. Process > Goals - Poker helped me become more process-oriented rather than goal-oriented. I was already on this path before taking up poker. It just accelerated this journey. Given that there is so much in the hands of luck, focusing on controlling the input variables makes more sense.
Sports mirror life. So it is no surprise that most of these lessons can be directly applied to our work and lives. There is another lesson, the most important one. And that's why it deserves a separate section in itself.
LEARNING HOW TO FAIL - THE OBSTACLE IS THE WAY
Out of all Ryan Holiday's excellent books, I liked 'The Obstacle is The Way' the most. A failure in our path - an obstacle - is not a setback. It is the path. It means that instead of feeling aversion to a failure, we should embrace it - for it means that we've uncovered another hidden pitfall in our journey to success.
I can quote countless examples of recurring failures from history - Edison and light bulbs, Abraham Lincoln and elections and so on. But I'll refrain from doing so because I am sure you know someone in your close vicinity who has persevered through many failures to success.
Given that poker is a game where you lose almost as often as you win, learning how to fail is the most important lesson you could learn outside of the game strategies itself. I would even say that a lack of technical finesse can be overcome by a better grip on handling failure.
Every bad session is an opportunity - not just to learn from the mistakes but also how to be a stronger, resilient person. It is an opportunity to have more empathy for yourself. It is a chance to zoom out and look at the bigger picture of your life.
Poker has taught me that life is a constant struggle of losing your bearings and getting back on track. Our endeavour should be to make that gap - the turnaround time shorter in every iteration.
THE FUTURE
I had an epiphany last year.
At the start of 2020, I had set myself a monetary goal for the year. I assumed that once I hit that lofty target, I’d be incredibly happy. So I worked a lot and hit that target, but I wasn’t. That extra money in the bank account didn’t make me any happier. There was no nirvana. And that’s when I realised, chasing more money is not the answer. To start, you have to find it in these three pillars:
“A calm mind, a fit body and a house full of love” - Naval Ravikant
A sense of connection with the world as a whole is what I am missing. The search for self-actualization (ref. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs) is ongoing. One way that can be achievable seems to be by contributing to make others’ lives better - Giving is the best form of self-gratification. Writing is a medium through which I can do that right now. So expect more from me here.
Poker can be a difficult and lonely game and I was lucky to have some friends who helped me along the way. So if any of you ever need help, feel free to get in touch.
Wish you good luck ahead. And if you like my writing, leave your email address below so that I can let you know whenever I write something new.
How to Live Inside an Underwater Air-Bubble
TODAY after many weeks, I have the courage, time, and peace of mind—all at the same time—to sit down and write this first line. Now my breakfast is here and I will hopefully resume after that.
That rare day happened two years ago. I had just enough time to write those two sentences. But I did resume after breakfast. What came after is as follows.
I AM BACK. I finished breakfast and managed to come back to write instead of indulging in myriad other distractions - reading a book, smoking a cigarette, watching YouTube Poker videos. Any one of them would have either made me feel better or numbed my mind enough to not care.
To resist the temptation of easy consumption and to write instead is a great feeling. The simple act of writing is filling me with a sensation I experience in a few rare moments*. It is a sublime feeling. I’ll try translating it into words for you.
Imagine yourself inside an air-bubble underwater.
Your breathing is different. It’s neither relaxed nor labored. There is a slight tension like the one you get while listening to jazz. Always on edge, nothing taken for granted.
You can see through the bubble but the view is a little hazy. Like a Monet waterscape.
There is no smell. Nothing touches your skin, you float freely.
You hear something, it’s muffled, it’s there in the background. You feel the sounds much more than hearing them.
The waves ripple, the water moves in harmony with the sounds. Your bubble flows, bobs up and down and sideways. It is twirled around by friendly dolphins.
Sunlight gives it a soft glow.
Inside the bubble, you can do anything that you like. It is your bubble after all. Paint, run, sing, dream, make faces - it will serve all your needs.
People looking in from outside cannot enter. Only other bubble-beings can communicate with you - across time and space. Join your bubble with them if you want, bubble-beings are welcoming as you would have realised by now. But your bubble remains your own. What you do inside it is completely your prerogative.
The bubble breaks. It is a delicate thing. A persistent phone call, an invitation for a drink, a wayward shout - all possible causes of breaking it.
Do not despair. You want to be inside again. But the distractions tempted you - it’s alright. A short life is a bubble’s nature.
The great thing about them is that they keep on coming. If one dies, the other comes to take its place. All you need to do is extend a finger and it will let you in. You have to try. It’s not difficult. There is no huge door to open or latch to unlock or walls to break. Extend your hand and it will let you in.
If you feel afraid to take that leap of faith, remember to trust the bubble and its mechanism. If at first, you sense resistance, try again. That might work. If not, take a break and come back later after doing some non-bubbly things. After an hour, a day, or longer. Just remember to come back.
Remember how you first entered it.
The bubble is all-knowing. Trust the bubble. Gather courage and do it again.
*Deep Immersion Moments from How to Have More Fun at Fun.
Further Reading: If you enjoyed this, then you might also like something else I wrote earlier - Jack’s complete lack of orientation.
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