BLOG OF MAYANK JAIN
Building a Meditation Habit - Atomic Habits Style
For the last two weeks, I have tried building a meditation habit. The previous attempt didn’t sustain for long. Turns out that sitting quietly for 15 minutes every day with your eyes closed and not thinking of things is incredibly difficult. So this time I applied James Clear’s methods from his book Atomic Habits and tried to build a system around it.
“If you’re having trouble changing your habits, the problem isn’t you. The problem is your system. You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”
Why do I care about meditation? For the simple reason that I feel better after. In my work as a poker player, I need to make a lot of quick decisions repeatedly for hours. And whenever I played after meditating, I felt like I had just a wee bit more time for every decision. There’s also plenty of science behind its benefits. Our brain physically changes as we meditate, especially in the parts involved in monitoring our focus and self-control.
Now, on to the methods. I am going to use a lot of examples of exercise as a habit because that’s something I’ve become good at. Direct quotes from the book in Italics
CHANGING THE IDENTITY
The ultimate form of intrinsic motivation is when a habit becomes part of your identity.
When I tried to quit smoking, I read Alan Carr’s Easy Way to Stop Smoking. One of its two key points was to believe you are a Non-Smoker. Not that you have quit, or you are someone who smokes sometimes. But you are a non-smoker.
It’s like being a Vegan. Either you are, or you are not.
Similarly, if you want to create a new habit, you have to become that person. For me, if I am trying to build a meditation habit, I have to start thinking that this is what I do - I meditate daily. There is no I have to or I should. It’s natural.
The word ‘Identity’ itself comes from two Latin words Essentias meaning being and Identidem meaning repeatedly. So our identity is nothing but our repeated beingness.
THE 1ST LAW: MAKE IT OBVIOUS
The Techniques:
The Implementation Intention or The Trigger - It is a plan that we make beforehand about when and where to carry out the activity. The format is:
I will [BEHAVIOR] at [TIME] in [LOCATION]
Habit Stacking - Have you ever noticed yourself going on a shopping spree? That tendency of one purchase leading to another is called The Diderot Effect. Habit Stacking capitalizes this tendency by using an existing habit as a trigger for the desired habit:
After [CURRENT HABIT], I will [NEW HABIT].
Environment > Motivation - Redesigning our environment does much better to change our behavior than Motivation (which is an exhaustible resource). Two key points in this:
Use visual cues as catalysts for the new behavior
Try a new place where you haven’t tried the habit before.
My Adaptation:
In the last year, my exercise habit was triggered by setting the dishwasher. It was a specific and actionable trigger. For meditation, my trigger would be finishing lunch. Post-lunch is often the period when I am most lethargic. And feeling the lowest during the day. Meditation can hopefully help solve both problems.
Adding Meditation just after Lunch
For the environment, I am going to use my balcony which already has a Buddha painting hanging there. The combination of a new place plus the visual cue should do its job.
My Trigger + Habit Stacking:
‘After I finish lunch, I will meditate on the balcony for 15 minutes.’
THE 2ND LAW: MAKE IT ATTRACTIVE
The Techniques:
Temptation Bundling - Using a habit that we are tempted to do as a reward for an activity we should do. The anticipation of our WANT habit drives the NEED habit. For example, I browse Twitter in breaks between sets during my workout. The Formula:
After [HABIT I NEED], I will [HABIT I WANT]
The Effect of People - I took up Intermittent Fasting because I had a friend who did it successfully. That same friend quit smoking after I did. The people in our lives affect our habits immensely.
One of the most effective things you can do to build better habits is to join a culture where your desired behavior is the normal behavior. The shared identity begins to reinforce your personal identity.
Motivation Ritual - It’s like putting on music before a big game/an exam/a workout (all of which I do). Even if you are not motivated beforehand, the ritual itself drives the motivation up.
My Adaptation:
Combining Temptation Bundling with Habit Stacking:
After Lunch, I will meditate for 15 minutes on the balcony
After Meditation, I will make a cup of tea and have Monaco
As for having people around, I don’t yet have a meditation partner per se. So if you would like to share some insights, I’d love to hear. Meanwhile, I am also going to hang around on Reddit Meditation subs.
THE 3RD LAW: MAKE IT EASY
The Techniques:
Walk slow, not backward - Not being able to do a complete workout every day is fine as long as we do at least a little bit - say 5 push-ups. As long as we put in a rep, however small, it works. Lost days hurt more than successful days help. So maintaining a streak is critical.
One of the most common questions I hear is, “How long does it take to build a new habit?” But what people really should be asking is, “How many does it take to form a new habit?” That is, how many repetitions are required to make a habit automatic?
Habits form based on frequency, not time.
The law of least effort - Prime your environment for future use. Like keeping your morning workout clothes out the night before. Two more ideas:
2-minute rule - Downscale your habits until they can be done in two minutes or less.
A commitment device - Like buying a better mattress for sleeping. Or signing-up for an automatic savings plan.
My Adaptation
I am not looking to meditate 30 minutes every day. I’ll start small for 15 minutes. Even 5 minutes will work.
Usually, after lunch, I lie down for a bit. So I can squeeze in a quick meditation then. Either I’ll be gone into a siesta or I’ll be able to meditate - both reasonable outcomes.
As for priming environment, I don’t need it right now. But if the habit doesn’t work, I will buy a meditation cushion, or a candle or a meditation bowl.
THE 4TH LAW: MAKE IT SATISFYING
The Techniques
Instant Gratification - Our brain is wired to be biased towards immediate reward than by the possibility of even a bigger reward in the future. Hence we need to feel immediately successful for a habit to stick - even if it’s in a small way.
The key is to select a reward that reinforces your identity rather than conflicts with it. So don’t reward yourself with ice cream after a workout. Instead, allocate money for a weekly massage. It reinforces the identity as someone who takes care of their own body.
Habit Tracking - What doesn’t get tracked, doesn’t get done. The habit stacking + habit tracking formula is:
After [CURRENT HABIT], I will [TRACK MY HABIT].
My Adaptations:
My cup of tea + Monaco biscuits serves as Instant Gratification. If it doesn’t work, I will consider creating a Spa fund or Travel Fund.
I use Insight Timer which automatically tracks my habit
Parting Notes
“Men desire novelty to such an extent that those who are doing well wish for a change as much as those who are doing badly.”
I have to remind myself to fall in love with the boredom of doing the same thing over and over again. To look for novelty in repetition. It is an opportunity to delve deeper inside our own minds. It can even be therapeutic - like a runner, putting one step after the other in endless laps.
Hope this was useful to you. If you like this article and want to hear more from me, you can leave your email address below. I’ll let you know whenever I write something new.
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The Curious Case of Receding Interest
On why we lose interest in the things we love. And what to do about it.
Picture this diary entry:
Day -90: "Man, this song is so great. It would be so cool to play this in front of thousands of people."
D -70: "Slash is my God. He looks brilliant on stage. What a trip it would be!"
D -50: " {Insert friend’s name} plays so great. It would be so cool to do this on a moonlit night around a campfire at the beach.
D -20: "Okay, I've decided. I want to play guitar in band."
D -5: "Guitar class enrolled. The best guitar bought. Let's do this."
D 1: "Hmmm. This is hard man. My fingers hurt too much."
D 3: "This is soooo slow. I can't play a song yet."
D 5: "Fuck it. I am sleeping in today."
D 6: "Oh, I can't go today again man. Have to go to that party."
D 7: "What, it's 6 again? Fuck it, I'll go tomorrow. I need to finish this TV show tonight."
D 8: “Oh look - cat videos!”
D 9: "Wowa! These guys have gotten so better than me at this. We started at the same time. I guess I don't have it in me."
D 10: ....................................................................................
Insert something else instead of learning guitar - running, painting, writing, photography, designing, dancing - whatever it is that is your passion. Can you see this happening to you?
I call this The Curious Case of Receding Interest. You pick a thing you think you like and want to become better at. Over a course of time, you find it tougher to maintain the level of enthusiasm with which you started it. You invest less time. After an accumulated lack of effort, you give up and move on to the next shiny thing.
Most of us are susceptible to an attack of this syndrome. I learnt this the hard way while writing this post. Two months have passed since I started working on it. Here's what happened:
Sitting 1: A light bulb switched on shining light on this idea in my head. I scribbled down the thoughts and the basic structure. This gave me instant gratification of creating something. And, instead of finishing the post, I moved onto something else.
Sitting 2: The drudgery began. Now that I had the idea written down, it was a lot less fun to do the hard work of completion. So after writing a little, I opened Facebook and whiled away my time.
Sitting 3: I had some free time on my hands. But, I decided to clean up the house a little bit. And then wrote during whatever little time I had.
Sitting 4: Wrote some. It was becoming and arduous task to finish this. So, I opened a few football videos and watched those.
Sitting 5: I got frustrated with my indiscipline. Thus, I sat down with a pledge to not get up before finishing this. I made decent progress but still couldn't make it into a finished product.
Sitting 6: Today, after 2 months since the beginning of the post, I sit again hoping to finish this.
Can we find a cause and solution to this problem? Let’s investigate. The irony of being the victim as well as the healer isn’t lost on me. But, let’s give it a shot.
WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN?
1. It gets tough - Most things, when looked at from the outside, are simple. Only after getting into the nuances do you realize that growing beyond an amateur level needs a lot of hard work and dedication.
2. Novelty wears off - I like doing a lot of things to experience them. But once I learn the basics, the novelty wears off. Once the curiosity is satiated, I move on.
Read: Two Weeks Sprint - The Technique I use to learn a new skill efficiently
3. Is less fun than you imagined - Browsing Instagram pictures of travel photographers, it is easy to assume that their lives are fun (not saying they are not). But, glamorizing the lifestyle at the cost of forgetting the realities of the job is suicidal. You don't know how many hours they spend in the editing room or how many shots do they painfully discard to find that single right one.
4. Has steep learning curve, high OFF* and not enough time - Complexity increases exponentially. You'll find that there’s a lot you don't know that you don't know.
*(OFF - Optimal Fun Frequency) Reference: How to Have More Fun at Fun
5. You find a new, shinier toy and expect it to provide you all the fun - Growth, engagement and DIMs** are present when we extend ourselves beyond the ordinary. For example, say you have a new toy car. You can play with it by running it on a flat surface. Or, you can immerse deeper by making race tracks using pillows, books, hard surfaces (something I used to do).
**(DIMs - Deep Immersion Moments) Reference: How to Have More Fun at Fun
WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT?
- Prepare yourself with the knowledge of how tough a certain thing is going to be. This is not to deter you from doing that activity but to give you a fair perspective of what you are getting into. I read about the personal experiences of people who have lived the life I want to live. During my struggles with practicing my craft, I found comfort in knowing that others have faced similar challenges before me.
- Take one small step at a time. Writing this post was hard for me. So, all I did was to take one paragraph at a time and make it the best I could. Learn one chord, run for 5 minutes, paint one element of the picture, take the first step, however small it may be.
- Observe the feeling which causes the interruption in your practice - whether it is procrastination, difficulty level, laziness or attraction towards a new thing. Observe the feeling, and then sit with it for some time. Notice where your mind is taking you. Do you want to go there? Do you really want to open a new tab and check Facebook? Give yourself a few seconds to deliberate what you want to do. Often you’ll find that with a few moments of thought you can overcome that barrier to creation. But if you can’t and your mind is still seeking distraction, ignore it*** and do your task anyway.
***Reference: The One Skill to Stick to your Resolutions
Receding interest is a big barrier to experiencing deep emotions that come with the mastery of a craft. I hope this post helps you in constantly choosing the tough but useful over the easy, and momentarily satisfying. Thanks for reading.
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Mindfulness - An Introduction
“If something’s happening to me, I’d rather be around.”
After coming back from work, I put on some music and stood in the kitchen, peeling off an orange. But, I wasn't really there. My mind was somewhere else, wandering off into the distant world of events past and the What-Could-Haves and What-Should-Bes. Suddenly, I heard the music - really heard it for the first time. And my feet started tapping of their own accord, a smile appeared on my lips and my mind started noticing what was happening. That was such a good feeling.
Mindfulness is being aware of what is happening around you in that particular moment, every moment. It means not ignoring the present in anticipation of the future or in memories of the past. 'Flow' and being 'in the zone' are the same concepts with different names.
All of us have experienced it in some form or the other. Perhaps you are a coder who gets lost in his code when being in the zone. Or while playing a sport, you probably give your best when your focus is on the game and not on some altercation you had with someone. A good movie drowns you in its fantasy world. Or you are texting and it takes a couple of shouts by someone to bring your attention away from your phone. The world fades away, for a brief few moments you lose sense of what is around you. You don't notice how your mind is working but it just does. That is being mindful.
WHY SHOULD YOU CARE ABOUT IT
This moment is your life. The moments to come may or may not be what you imagined. But this moment, right now, will never come back again.
Be mindful for the simple reason that it makes you attractive to other people - you may not know it - but I observe this for sure. I am automatically attracted towards people who seem in a flow, self assured and thus confident. Being mindful makes your relationships better - wouldn't you rather have a friend actually listening to what you are saying rather than wandering off into the distance? Some of your best work is produced when you are engrossed in it. Food tastes better, music is nicer and conversations are more enjoyable.
Imagine dipping into ice cream and it melting into your mouth as you imagine the fruits it contains. You really let the tastebuds experience the true joy of feeling the ice cream caressing your tongue. This might seem like a lot at first because you have to train your mind. But, I feel it is a good way to live life. Otherwise, you might arrive at each destination and wonder what's next. I don't recommend it for the sake of finding a deep answer or anything of that sort but for the simple reason that it feels so good. Haven't you experienced it yourself - maybe you are watching a great video and someone calls your name - you totally don't hear that happen, right? Compare it with a situation where you are watching that same video or movie but your mind is somewhere else and you probably don't enjoy it as much.
You know the times when the mornings seem brighter, sweets sweeter and all that, wouldn't you want to have it all the time?
How to practice mindfulness
The simplest way to be mindful is to actually practice it in your daily life rather than finding a time to do it. Experience the juices of the food that you eat mixing together as they fill up your mouth. Feel the food travelling down your throat drenching it with the superb taste you were craving for. Read a book and imagine the author writing those exact words, scratching, and writing again with his pen on a piece of paper. Imagine his thoughts preceding the line you are just reading. Try it out right now. Let the music fill your ears, notice each different instrument in a song and how they all sound different yet together. Imagine the earth moving down a little as you walk - it really does even though it is a very small amount. Lie down under the open sky with your arms outstretched and feel the earth rotating and revolving at the same time.
Truly live each moment, be aware of what is happening around you - there is never nothing going on. Take stock of the realities and don't ruin it by imagining the possibility of a bad future. Stop looking for the next kick and try to be at ease with the OK-ness and enough-ness of now. Indulge yourself in the activity at hand completely.
What you have right now is enough at this moment, isn't it? You are surviving, breathing, living life wherever you are. You can't bring time back. So why be lost in the events gone by when you can rather be in the present and enjoy what you have right now. I don't mean ignore the contemplation but choose a deliberate time for it. Bring your wandering mind back into the present, tell it to wait a little longer and finish off the task at hand.
It isn't easy and probably is a lot of work but it is totally worth it. I can tell - my orange tasted so much better.
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